Used, lonely, and stupid. There was some moments where I felt like there was a chance of what we used to be. But I always remember how things became after it happened. I went ballistic, head over heels, crazy, stupid, in love with you. I always felt that if I had someone else, I would forget about everything. And whenever I heard that you had another thing with another girl, I screwed it up for you, actually... But now I can't mess with this one, cause she's already, your
everything. I hate this girl, not because you're with her, but because I don't think that she's the best for you. Neither am I, but I believe you deserve better. In fact, I know so. I can't do anything about it, especially since no one really knows you two are together. And I only know cause I took your phone, and you didn't even know. I admit, I'm jealous. Who wouldn't be? Hearing the things that you used to say to me, to someone else? You're happy, something I haven't had in any of my relationships so far.

I'm just wondering, when's my turn God?

So I thought everything's cool now, eh? Well, now I don't think so anymore. Or well, things are good enough the way they are now, but it's liiiike, I know I can make it better if I try. But it comes to a point where it's like, will ___ be mad if I speak to ____? I mean, idk, I feel like I shouldn't, but why can't I? There's hella reasons, but... I don't care? Maybe I'm taking everything for granted. I only want something when I miss it.
*The only reason why it's been a long time since we talked, is cause your boyfriend became everything you ever needed. Pretty much, it looked like you didn't need anyone else but him.
(I thought you would've changed after what I said, he must mean a lot then)

It sucks when your _____'s boyfriend takes over the role of what I used to be. Man.

Oh well.

Running as fast as I can with Kahlua. Apparently, when I was running, I dragged her on the sidewalk, HAHA. Man, that's so sad,idk why I'm laughing. Well. So apparently I made an impression on __'s biffle. Seems she's done some research on me, wtf, right? Hahaha. I don't like you, if you ever see this! Huh, Alex wants the band name to be Party Mode. It sounds HELLA funny, that's why I like it. Though I must say, Cynical Riot, sounds hella legit still. :/ (Everyone hates it, but I lie and I say I do too...But I really like it! :((((( ) Butt, times change, y'know? We barely even practice, haha. I just wanna be a youtube band and just for fun. :) That's why I made it in the first place....Then we had to do Rose's wedding, HAHA. K, I'm hella bored at home. I played Sims 2 on my sisters comp for about 6 hours. I was gonna play it again after I got home from Lucky's, but then, she changed her pw! :( Btw, when Iw as at Lucky's, I read US magazine, an it says that PETE WENTZ AND ASHLEY ARE HAVING MARRIAGE PROBLEMS! And they say, they might divorce! :DDDDD YAAAAAAAH! Haha. K, g2g play with Kahlua or something...Or go to addictinggames or something. -__-" Summer sucks so far....Damn. Maybe I should've done conditioning?

Naaaaah. :) Running and sticking to the Track workout is pretty good. Wanna join? I take 9:00 minutes or less 'round the block! Unless you want the whole giant block....But I have nothing to do.TXT, I'm bored. Here's my plan everyday.

-Wake up & feed/play with Kahlua, then eat.
-Play Wii or Run with Kahlua
-Play Wii Fit to see how much I'm closer to losing 2 pounds! :D
-Eat...half what I lost, probably.
-Computer, games, or movie.
-Play till I sleep.

I need to start going out now. I've already finished my wii game. Butt damnit, now my mom's gonna be home and she's gonna be hella pissy cause I'm always at the tv not doing shit maaaaang. :/


K, idk I'll go running soon.

Man, you know, I'm not being a drama queen, or self centered, or selfish, but y'know, its just that one day every year where the attention should be put on you, and it's like I got less than I do than any other regular day. Yeah, let's see, I'll name the pros: I got my own cake. People I wanted to remember, remembered. I'm alive.
Cons: One of my sisters wasn't here for my birthday because she decided that working and her boyfriend is more important than her little sister's birthday. I cried almost 3 times today cause it felt like today wasn't really special to me. :( I wanted to see my friends, but I had to watch a graduation, and go to a graduation party. +others
The only fun parts of the day I can remember? Playing L4D with my cousins, not knowing what to wish for when blowing out my birthday candles, ....?

But y'know...

What I didn't hear or see, was actually made up online. No joke. I know it sounds like, 'wow-you-have-no-life' type kinda thing, but idk. The people I never talk to, the people I've talked to once or twice, people who are in my class who I don't talk to, people who just know of my name told me happy birthday. I know it seems like nothing, but idk, it was something nice. And like, there's this person that I probably know for a fact hated me, and she told me happy birthday... I know, I'm lame for thinking that's so damn special...

I guess tomorrow will be sorta better? I have no idea. I just feel really sad. :/ I'm going to conditioning to pick up a cake that Sammy made for me. I don't know......

There's two more people I would have loved to have even had a call, a text, an IM, a message, comment, or post, or just something from. :/ *Sigh.